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Continuation of “Is it Thursday again?”

Eventual propitious turn of events. As I mentioned in my post last week, getting in contact with a new psychiatrist for med refill didn’t work out smoothly. I understand the new doctor’s hesitation to refill without meeting, but if the appointment is pushed out by one week, do they not worry about the effects of not going without prescribed medication for that long? It was hard to fathom the indifference. My anger and disillusionment left me speechless. I’m probably not the only one going through this and the whole situation seemed unethical.

In my desperation, I prayed wondering what I was going to do in the meantime. Weekend was approaching and getting a hold of the doctors would’ve been difficult unless I went to urgent care. I believed God would not abandon me in this situation, and He’ll help me navigate; if He doesn’t then I’ll have to deal with that too. The latter I did not want to find out.

This incident was a wake-up call from complacency and to be proactive in my search for a new psychiatrist from a different practice. I realized how much I dread the sinking and waves of hopeless feelings that feels like a deafening storm. Simultaneously, I don’t know what life would seem depression-free. It’s been decades.

Whether I continue or eventually taper off the antidepressants is not giving adequate attention to this matter. It limits me from exploring and addressing deeper issues. How could I better manage depression long term? How do I move beyond coping towards healing and well being? Why do I second guess how I feel and blame myself for depression? Self sabotage.

Photo by Dominika Roseclay on

Although I’m extremely grateful for the mental health care I’ve received so far, I felt extremely let down last week. I understand that a scheduled medical leave means the doctor needed to address a personal health issue, but what about the persons under your care? Any administrative help to navigate? Any information informing patients of the doctor’s leave, so we can prepare and make new plans?

Solution that unfolded: Thursday night it dawned on me that my primary care doctor could help. I reached out to her via email updating her on the issue and by the grace of God, she met with me Friday afternoon for a refill and plans for the next step. In hindsight the solution was simple, but in the midst of the crisis, I couldn’t think clearly.

I wish God had given me that answer right away instead of me struggling all those hours. But His ways are different and higher than anything I could imagine. What a painful lesson in surrendering and seeking God when running out of options.

Isaiah 55: 8-9

8“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
    “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so my ways are higher than your ways
    and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

My thoughts are all over the place. Thank you for listening to my ramblings! The amount of support and encouragement has been overwhelmingly positive. It means a lot to me and to know that I have this space to share does wonders for the soul. Thanks everyone. 🙂

Categories: Faith journey Personal growth Random Thoughts

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Welcome to my blog! My name is Esther and I'm so happy you are here. I'm an avid nature photographer and a daydreaming thinker. My posts revolve around photos of nature's beauty, homeschooling adventures with my 2 kids, sporadic reflections on my child's heart condition, Bible reading reflections, gardening feats, and other mish mash things. Hopefully you'll leave encouraged, pensive, or smiling at the simple things of life. Thank you for stopping by and hope you'll find some interesting posts to read!

3 replies

  1. I was watching a show on Netflix “Sweet magnolias “, and one of the characters was going through a really difficult time. She said to her friend “do the storms ever stop?” Her friend answered, “No” and then continued with an empathetic smile, “but neither do the rainbows”. It was a beautiful scene that I replay in my head from time to time.
    Sending prayers and thoughts for peace to you!


  2. Tapering the meds may help in the Summer months when you and the kids are done with school and you’re out and about more as seasonal depression may be a factor as well, which may be making you feel worse Esther I hope everyone stays healthy and the meds make you feel better and “this too shall pass” will become reality for you. Hugs from afar. {{{ }}}


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