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Feeling blah

This month has been strange and static. I haven’t been taking a lot of flower pictures nor felt motivated to write. I’m not sure what’s going on with me; this is unusual. Some reasons could contribute to that.

It’s been slightly over a month since Ellis was discharged from the hospital after her heart surgery. I may have some FOMO (fear of missing out) and it’s manifesting itself more as summer wears on, Covid rates rising, my gradual weight gain since last October that is more noticeable now, extended family health issues, my insomnia, etc.

To be honest, I got very upset with myself as I cleaned out my closet. I went up a full size and much of the clothes I have is too tight. That can sour a mood quickly. The flip side is having compassion on myself and being grateful that I’m healthy. Weight gain from stress, lack of exercise, irregular eating, side effects from depression med…they all contribute to it but it still makes me mad!!

Deep inside my heart I know that a certain number on the scale and clothing size do not define happiness or self acceptance, however embracing it as reality is another matter.

I try not to let FOMO affect me, which is a human construct, but it creeps up on me. Please don’t get me wrong and perhaps assume I’m sharing for sympathy. I’m sharing to update on what’s been on my mind and hoping that transparency will help me cross this stagnant hump on the road.

July has been a regular month but it feels incredibly long too; for the latter I’m thankful since summer vacation is still ongoing.

Photo by Martin Damboldt on

Categories: Personal growth

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Welcome to my blog! My name is Esther and I'm so happy you are here. I'm an avid nature photographer and a daydreaming thinker. My posts revolve around photos of nature's beauty, homeschooling adventures with my 2 kids, sporadic reflections on my child's heart condition, Bible reading reflections, gardening feats, and other mish mash things. Hopefully you'll leave encouraged, pensive, or smiling at the simple things of life. Thank you for stopping by and hope you'll find some interesting posts to read!

5 replies

    1. Amen!! I know He does but my short term memory keeps forgetting and I get sucked up into my worries and discontent. The latter is deadly; something I need to remedy with God’s peace.
      Thank you for the thoughtful comment and reminder that God is in control! You stay strong too and enjoy the rest of your summer. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Try to make the most of your remaining Summer as it zips by way too quickly Esther. I know it has been difficult with the surgery, wildfire smoke and this unrelenting heat.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will and am trying to make the best of the days! It feels anticlimactic after all the work up of getting Ellis’ surgery done and wrapping my brain around normalcy. Story of our lives. Thanks Linda for the encouragement!

      Liked by 1 person

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