How I miss my knee cartilage

Hi readers,

It’s been over a week since I’ve last posted. Life has been hectic to say the least.

This year is starting off with knee pains for me. It’s been an ongoing issue but it really hit the roof in December 2019. After the usual imaging tests, the result is that one part of my knee has worn-down cartilage that needs surgical repair. I’ve been oblivious. But the surgeon will not know if it can be repaired until the knee scope test, which required general anesthesia. The hope is that it can be repaired immediately following the scope exam. If the scope results show that there’s more cartilage damage, then I’ll have to wait until the other cartilage wears down; this will require a knee replacement. Nice?!

I’ve been in a dilemma trying to decide whether to postpone surgery till the summer or get it done next month. But the recent pain level is showing me that sooner is better. It’s now affecting my lower back; I can’t find a comfortable resting position. Thus, the tossing and turning and fidgeting and constipated look on my face from discomfort. I even got X-rays for my back in case it’s a separate issue that needs to be addressed, and then I can decide the best treatment schedule. Turns out it’s muscle spasms.

Yesterday morning I seriously considered postponing till summer when Ellis started throwing up for no reason. I already envisioned us ending up in the hospital for abdominal migraine and going through that whole bit. Then, mid afternoon she was all better; by this time, my nerves were shot.

This experience is giving me newfound empathy for people living with chronic pain. It affects everything you do and it’s hard to enjoy the day when your body is sending loud pain messages. What a lesson in hitting the pause life button, oh so reluctantly. God is teaching me some hard life lessons that I need to relinquish it all to God, believe that he knows what’s best for me, and the need to take better care of myself. That latter statement is a hard one for me since I’ve always believed that it’s selfish to take care of yourself. It’s self-sabotage thinking.

If I’m hurting, how can I take care of others? I wish I didn’t have this pain nor this existential issue looming over me. But life seems to love throwing me these challenges. Still thankful that this is a fixable issue and for medical advances.

As for blogging, I think my posts will be sporadic for a while. But I may find more quiet time to post more during recovery. I’ve noticed that I’m taking less photos these days and not stopping to snap pictures of pretty flowers I see. This is so not like me!! But I will try my best to post when I can since I miss connecting with others in this community. And please be patient with me, I will respond to comments slower than usual. 🙂

Hope everyone is having a good month of January! February is right around the corner and new adventures await. Let’s embrace them with courage, hope, and some smiles to lighten the load for one another!

from 365 Days of Wonder: Mr. Browne’s Precepts