How I miss my knee cartilage

Hi readers,

It’s been over a week since I’ve last posted. Life has been hectic to say the least.

This year is starting off with knee pains for me. It’s been an ongoing issue but it really hit the roof in December 2019. After the usual imaging tests, the result is that one part of my knee has worn-down cartilage that needs surgical repair. I’ve been oblivious. But the surgeon will not know if it can be repaired until the knee scope test, which required general anesthesia. The hope is that it can be repaired immediately following the scope exam. If the scope results show that there’s more cartilage damage, then I’ll have to wait until the other cartilage wears down; this will require a knee replacement. Nice?!

I’ve been in a dilemma trying to decide whether to postpone surgery till the summer or get it done next month. But the recent pain level is showing me that sooner is better. It’s now affecting my lower back; I can’t find a comfortable resting position. Thus, the tossing and turning and fidgeting and constipated look on my face from discomfort. I even got X-rays for my back in case it’s a separate issue that needs to be addressed, and then I can decide the best treatment schedule. Turns out it’s muscle spasms.

Yesterday morning I seriously considered postponing till summer when Ellis started throwing up for no reason. I already envisioned us ending up in the hospital for abdominal migraine and going through that whole bit. Then, mid afternoon she was all better; by this time, my nerves were shot.

This experience is giving me newfound empathy for people living with chronic pain. It affects everything you do and it’s hard to enjoy the day when your body is sending loud pain messages. What a lesson in hitting the pause life button, oh so reluctantly. God is teaching me some hard life lessons that I need to relinquish it all to God, believe that he knows what’s best for me, and the need to take better care of myself. That latter statement is a hard one for me since I’ve always believed that it’s selfish to take care of yourself. It’s self-sabotage thinking.

If I’m hurting, how can I take care of others? I wish I didn’t have this pain nor this existential issue looming over me. But life seems to love throwing me these challenges. Still thankful that this is a fixable issue and for medical advances.

As for blogging, I think my posts will be sporadic for a while. But I may find more quiet time to post more during recovery. I’ve noticed that I’m taking less photos these days and not stopping to snap pictures of pretty flowers I see. This is so not like me!! But I will try my best to post when I can since I miss connecting with others in this community. And please be patient with me, I will respond to comments slower than usual. 🙂

Hope everyone is having a good month of January! February is right around the corner and new adventures await. Let’s embrace them with courage, hope, and some smiles to lighten the load for one another!

from 365 Days of Wonder: Mr. Browne’s Precepts

When pain gets you thinking

Growing older is not for the faint of heart. I’m realizing this with every new ache, realization that I don’t have abundant energy, and bodily changes happening to me.

I’ve had knee pain in the past but nothing awful to warrant a doctor’s appointment. But I thought ‘what the heck? My deductible is paid, I’ll get it checked out.’ A practical move.

X-ray showed some kind of bony defect where a piece of bone has wandered away from its original spot. This impedes circulation and creates pain. Now I’ll be getting an MRI for clarification of what’s really going on. This condition requires physical therapy, and possibly surgery. Doctor mentioned seeing a Sports Medicine physician, which is hilarious because I don’t play any sports!

My mother in law says, “I know what it’s like to be young, but do you know what it’s like to grow old?” I used to roll my eyes at this comment but that’s changing. No, I don’t know and I’m clumsily navigating it now and hopefully have long ways to go. It’s a frustrating task both emotionally and physically. A friend told me that the saying on her grandmother’s wall plaque helps her to see the bigger picture: “aging is a privilege denied to many.” Ain’t that the truth?!

Just like every life phase, forties has its challenges, questions, and joys. It’s a good thing if nothing breaks, doesn’t hurt, and keeps moving. Maybe I’m being a bit dramatic, but a lot of my friends share this same sentiment with me: tinge of sadness to the process of getting older and gripping new life challenges and changes.

But I’m learning how to do it gracefully, with some hiccups here and there. The other day seeing a new line on my face made me sigh. I said “Oh. My. Gosh!” More loudly than I thought, because my kids kept asked what was wrong.

But there’s much happiness to getting older too. You appreciate more, develop a better sense of humor, empathize more, and be more comfortable in your skin. When I goof around at home ad sing or dance dramatically, Elliot laughs but ends by telling me only to do that home. It would embarrass him if I did that in public. That kind of freeness comes with age I believe. Thank you for the compliment…

I know I’m not alone feeling like this. Middle-aged friends, let’s do this well and have some fun with it!

“The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.” —Madeleine L’Engle

“The wiser mind mourns less for what age takes away than what it leaves behind.” ~ William Wordsworth

Having a silly selfie moment
Playing around with sticker features

And God is good through it all!! Through all the life seasons…there are some low valleys, and I’m there often, but I’m so glad God is my helper and peace giver.