God is personal each time, though I forget almost each time

This morning I woke up to my cell phone ringing with a “Scam Likely” ID. Dismiss.

I rolled back into bed wondering how I would manage today, feed the kids, teach, etc. God, will I be a mess like I was yesterday? I had a bout of stomach spasm that feels like the effects of food poisoning that comes in a flash and diminishes in an hour or so. Whew, I had to call off everything and just lounge on the couch.

This sudden stomach issues happen every few months. It’s my body’s way of telling me to stop the restlessness, doing, and striving. Once I get close to checking off the list of things I needed to do this semester for the kids, my body reacts this way. I did not want a repeat of yesterday.

I started the day by cracking open my Bible and hoped God had something for me. Even though it’s a positive experience getting started is the hard part. I decided to read some Psalms and picked today’s date as the chapter to read, which I realized now is the 20th and not 21st. My goodness.

I kept reading and through Psalm 23, which is familiar to many. I’ve memorized this Psalm written by King David in my late 20s at a time when I had sporadic panic attacks in NYC subways. It felt like a death trap on rails. Because of this I preferred to walk than public transportation or when I had to go somewhere, I’d whisper this Psalm to myself and try to look normal as possible.

But today the 2nd verse stood out in blinking lights.

"He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength..." Psalm 23:2-3

God is very personal. I need just that, a renewing of strength that only God can provide. As though He wanted to make a point that my concerns are heard, I soon scrolled through my email and found that a friend had shared a Bible verse with me from her YouVersion Bible app.

It was a moment of simultaneous belief and nonbelief that here was the first verse of Psalm 23.

No trumpets sounded or the ground beneath rumbled, but God gently affirmed that He knows and hears me. It is okay to rest (whether mental, emotional, physical). Thanks J. for sharing part of Psalm 23 with me!! It was more than a coincidence.

Image sent from friend

Strength is not something even the strongest have in unlimited abundance; it’s not humanly possible although my skewed perception tells me it is for some people. Some days you need rest to renew; also, I don’t need to have Hulk-like strength to feel productive and enough.

Thanks for reading my God-meeting-me-where-I-am story today! I hope everyone has a wonderful evening and you find some moments to rest and renew yourself.

Happy Easter! Have a wonderful day.

Easter is a day to celebrate the miracle of Jesus’ resurrection. As said by the pastor today, “the miracle I need most has already happened with the resurrection of Jesus” (Jud Wilhite, Central Church). It’s the best news. Yet I find myself complaining of the ever-growing craft mess on the table, unloading the dishwasher, stopping myself with every nerve in my mind and body, to not yell at the kids to stop playing video games. And then I feel better about life when my kids are smiling big after they find their surprise Easter plushies. Goodness, I am missing the bigger picture and focusing too much on the little things.

What I need today and after: readjustment of how I view what I see. These are blessings not hindrances to my life and faith. I got long ways to go in my faith journey, but Easter reminds me how Jesus loves me despite my flaws. Thank the Lord!

Hope you are all having a great Easter and staying well and healthy. Thanks everyone for visiting my blog; as always, appreciate you all.

Easter quotes

Hawk eyes this afternoon

Sitting on the couch hawk eyeing Ellis. Morning was fine until she complained of a headache. Told her to drink some water. She did. Didn’t make much of her complaint.

Cuddles with me on the couch during online church service and she gives me that look. It’s the I’m going to barf look. Now I realize she’s serious. Elliot turns to me and says “I’m scared” probably thinking we’ll be away at the hospital for a day or two.

Several rounds of throw ups and I imagine this situation getting worse with dehydration and continuous vomiting. When I get her nausea medicine from the fridge, the expiration date was April 2020. Good news that we haven’t needed it in a while but when you’re stressed you get irritable and irrational.

Gave Chris the evil glare since he’s the medicine manager & pick-up person: not his fault but I felt like being mean to him. These kinds of situations bring out the worst in me towards him. He takes it in stride but it doesn’t make it good either.

Our hospital bag is packed and I’m dressed to drive to th ER if the headache continues. As I was getting ready, grumpily and anxiously, she fell asleep. Maybe she’s sleeping it off. It’s been an hour.

Pediatrician did mention that her abdominal migraines would become head migraines as she gets older. Her proposed remedy: dark room, quiet space, cool air, and sleep.

We’re the only ones in the living room, mild breeze wafting in from the open window and water flowing sounds from the fish tank. I pray and hope her deep sleep will relieve the headache. And I pray the others in the family will forgive me for driving them out of the living room and being so irritated.

At church today the message was about being a light in the world. I did not live up to that, maybe more like a cannon ball.

Thanks for reading my harried thoughts. I’m so thankful to have this space to share the ups and downs of my life adventures with you all.

A few Sundays ago…hopefully after her migraine she’ll be this smiley again today

Light-hearted poem for mid January: Shel Silverstein

Mid January already. Before the days, weeks, and months roll by, there’s a running list of things I want to accomplish. But a realistic assessment of my time, resources, and energy are limited. So I want to approach this year with small things. Those small steps may not lead to dramatic results, but I want to cultivate contentment for what I do in a day; not focus on what I could have done or should have done.

The following poem by Shel Silverstein takes a fun perspective of doing something silly because it’s fun to do. I need more of this. Hope the poem makes you smile or encourage some silliness in your life!

Book tote from Barnes and Noble. Kids didn’t get why I was laughing so much…it’s an 80s thing.