sing like wildflowers

I was wondering why I felt more discomfort emotionally than usual last week. It dawned on me this morning.

I’ve been having to advocate for Ellis and I’m not a confrontational person. I try to avoid conflict whenever possible. But when you are taking care of your child, you’re forced into positions to speak up and to advocate for better care.

I’m vocal and more willing to advocate when we are in the hospital, but in a non-emergency setting, it’s difficult. And to maintain composure as I’m trying to model healthy advocacy for my children, showing them that you can handle it professionally, calmly, and thoughtfully: when internally, all my resistance alarms are setting off. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!

It’s been 2 stressful things going on with the new therapist and the pharmacy. I’d let things slide but they need to be addressed. My comfort level is beyond stretched and I’d rather not. It requires a lot of phone calls and emails.

With the new therapist, we’re not developing a good rapport. It’s a personality mismatch. I just reached out to the cardiology team to ask what I should do and how I should proceed. Getting to a point of deciding if we should even ask for a new therapist has involved a lot of conversation and tears from Ellis as she is not happy with the therapy sessions so far.

So I’m put in a position to stand up vocally and to advocate for change. Not my forte. But I do it for the sake of my little lady.