sing like wildflowers

This is tough.

Going back to October 18th and my mom’s 8th hospitalization. My dad called in the most despairing voice that he was scared and my mom was acting differently than all other times and completely lethargic. If I could please come, he asked. The previous night at 1:30 a.m. the ICU nurse called me to say that her mental confusion had come upon suddenly and she was unresponsive. We drove home in a hurry to visit and help with her confusion. 

That was horrible. She had septic shock and was in the ICU and had mental confusion. We feared the worst. The medication was so strong and with the combination of a UTI, she was talking randomly, getting paranoid, and just not being herself. It was heartbreaking to see my strong mom deteriorate like that.

In the meantime, we had to look into after-care for her and thinking about nursing homes, touring potential nurisng homes. My dad was determined to keep her at home but he was scared too. I had to make the hard decision and tell him that the nursing home was temporary. We both wept.

When she was about to be finished with her antibiotics and when she fell out of her hospital bed the following Thursday night, her confusion cleared. It was a miracle! The hospital called me to say that the Rapid Response team came to her aid and sent her off to get x-ray rays and a CT scan of her head. Everything was fine, but they all got a scare and put her at high-risk for falling.

But then the most interesting thing happened! The moment she fell and as she was trying to climb up onto the bed, she realized that her will to live had come back. She said she was disappointed in herself and her lack of strength and that she wanted to get stronger for my dad and me.

She recovered and her mental confusion cleared. Discharged the following Thursday and doing well at home. Everyone is happy and she seems more excited to receive physical therapy and to regain strength!

That only lasted a day and a half.

Sunday morning on November 1st I had to call 911 for her. My dad said she was lethargic, alightky unresponsive, and not eating. According to the paramedics, her blood sugar dropped dangerously low. She’s in the ICU again. Her glucose level is stable and she’s being treated for another UTI and getting IV medication for low blood pressure.

I am so worn out emotionally. The constant vacillation in her condition keeps me on the alert all day. I’m not sure how this will health situation will unfold long term.

I irrationally worry about my health declining how I can keep going with all these unknowns, and how to stay intact through all these pressures.