What was supposed to be a field trip to the farmer’s supply store for Teddy’s food triggered a panic attack for me in the car. It was midday, but the traffic was already horrendous triggering my claustrophobia. I worried that that traffic back home would be the same and that tightened up my throat further. Whew. I tried hard not to show it since both kids were with me and I didn’t want to distress them.
There were brief moments when I felt that feeling too much of the panic would lead to a meltdown. We were more than halfway there and I even considered turning the car around, but Elliot said that we could pull over for a break if I was not feeling well. A few minutes ago, I asked him to get my chewable Pepto from my bag, and when I said those words, both kids already knew something was off. They know from history that I always ask for a Pepto when I feel uneasy. By God’s grace and kids’ patience with me, I made it to the store in one piece.
I felt fine on the drive home, without any traffic, but I wasn’t in the best mood. I was ashamed that I had a panic attack and felt that I had let myself down. That’s a side effect of a panic attack that lingers. As I look back on the day, there were 3 moments that culminated in the anxiety rush. I opened a letter from my insurance company informing me that my current psychiatrist, whom I feel is a good fit for me, is no longer in-network and that I may need to find a new doctor. This wasn’t ideal news to start off a Monday.
The first psychiatrist left me in the dust when she left without warning for her maternity leave, and unfortunately, the second psychiatrist suddenly passed away last summer. I disregarded the new letter, but it was mulling in my mind. Secondly, while scrolling through FB, I saw a sad post about a teenage girl who passed away from HLHS on a FB group. My heart just jumped in fright and it felt like a dark cloud shrouded over me. Thirdly, my stomach didn’t feel, which I should’ve taken as a warning to stay home. Then, the combination of traffic and the California heat…well, that was it! Meltdown mode activated without actually showing overt signs to alarm the kids.
What a day. We came home and hung out and even made homemade pizza. I gotta stop opening the mail and scrolling through social media during the day!
26 responses to “Panic attack”
So frustrating and upsetting for you Esther. It sounds like you already know the triggers… some are within your control others are not. Gotta protect yourself!
It was a stressful event to be out and feeling that much anxiety! You’re right…I was sensitive to my triggers but didn’t think it would affect me that much. Next time I need to be more sensitive and aware.
Thank you for your comment and encouragement!
I hug you 🤗
Thank you, V! I hope you are having a wonderful time with your family. 🙂
Now you are better feel. You are so brave woman. You child will be strong . They’re know what have problem. You safely back home. Tack care, Esther.
Thank you for your encouragement! It was scary and unnerving, but I made it through. I need a good night sleep to recover and I’ll be all better tomorrow. I hope you are doing well too.
Most welcome, Esther! Iam so happy you are better & good feel. You have good night & sweet dreams 😘. Iam well too. How’s your both Master Love.
I’m so sorry you experienced a panic attack while you and the kids were out and about. I had one on Saturday, which scared me half to death.
It was awful! I’m sorry you had one too last weekend. It’s jarring and everything seems dangerous when it’s not.
Do you have them often or just once in a while? Do you know your triggers?
I used to have anxiety attacks on a fairly regular basis when I was working, but not anymore. My triggers are stress and stuffing down my negative emotions.
I’m glad to hear it’s less frequent now for you! Knowing your triggers is good but sometimes the anxiety just goes into overdrive.
I get into trouble when I try to tell myself everything is fine, I’m fine–then my body says, sorry, no, you’re not.
True! The mind and body work in synch together.
Panic attacks are often hormone related and hormone induced. I had them with early menopause—awful!! I recommend 4-Sigmatic brand Ashwaganda “Balance” organic coffee packets. They are available at grocery outlets and health food stores. Of course, hydrating with coconut water (boosts electrolytes) and Ruth plenty of water is always good too.
WITH plenty of water, not “Ruth” lol 😂
Yes, water is helpful too!
That’s a good point! I didn’t think about perimenopausal to have those symptoms too.
Thank you for your suggestions. I want to try coconut water…I see it at stores but never got interested in it. It’s nice that it has electrolytes.
Very scary to have – I know you were trying to keep it from the kids – they are old beyond their years and likely see and notice everything.
You’re right, Linda! They notice quickly and I can tell they’re aware by the way they act and how much they talk. It was sweet of them to help me through it. I realize how much Elliot has grown and matured in how he helped me navigate that panic attack.
It was scary and the panic attack feels like it’ll cave you into yourself and your hands feel trembly. Just awful.
That sounds awful – I feel for you Esther. That is good that Elliot is old enough to help understand and help you get through this. Where did that little boy go to?
It surprises me too! He’s been through a lot with Ellis’ medical emergencies and I think they have matured him a lot.
Yes, you are right about that – it made him grow up pretty quickly in many respects.
It sounds like you did an excellent job managing the panic attack. I’m so sorry you had to deal with it. I think you should be proud of yourself for getting Teddy’s food and getting everyone home safely. Also, I feel like anyone in the same situation would’ve had anxiety issues and many people probably wouldn’t have dealt with the anxiety as well as you did.
Thank you for your encouragement and kind comment! It felt like I was close to a full meltdown if I allowed myself to keep thinking about the anxiety.
I did feel proud of myself for getting Teddy’s food as planned and coming home safely.
These days it’s been coming in waves and really scaring me.
I’m so sorry to hear about the panic attack, Esther. I’m glad you guys made it home safely.
Thank you so much! Panic attacks are scary when they get triggered. Whew, I was so grateful to have come home safely with the kids.