Move over, rush. Slow (kind of) is moving in.

via Daily Prompt: Rush

Rush has become the theme of my life in the past few years. Everything seems hurried; even hurry itself is not fast enough for this rushed life.

This morning I had one hour to myself at a coffee shop ACROSS the street from the kids’ zoology class. It felt foreign to relax; I was the person fidgeting and staring out the window as if I could see through walls and hear whispers traveling through air. My legs were ready to dart out the door if the teacher called me.

I’ve become the on-call mom. If emergency personnel is called, I have to be there to inform them of her medical condition and her running list of medications. I am her advocate: I have to be there. It’s not enough that the school has her medical history on file.

This is a learned behavior. The survival stage is behind us now that Ellis made it safely to her fifth birthday, which is a tremendous milestone for her health. However, my whole being feel trapped in the caregiver role.

My worst fear is facing a lifeless child: this fear drives the constant panic and adrenaline rush to be next to her always. It’s unrealistic but it’s a coping mechanism that gives me some control over this emotional situation.

Everyday I’m consciously trying to slow the rushed mind; it needs new rewiring/ training to learn how to chew life in morsels, not gulps. It’s a new season.

2 thoughts on “Move over, rush. Slow (kind of) is moving in.

    1. Thank you!! I’m super excited that you stopped by my blog and that you are on wordpress now!
      It’s great that I get to share my writings with you this way. Although this whole experience is teaching me some hard life lessons, I’ve also had the best of experiences with this little person in my life.
      Many hugs to you!!

      Like

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