I’m feeling bewildered, stress, and strangely calm after seeing an ophthalmologist this afternoon. My eyes have been feeling strained lately and been bothered by a black dot that sporadically floats around my right eye. I knew it was an issue but denial can make you believe everything is ok when it’s not. Made an appointment last week to see an ophthalmologist and thank God I was able to book an appointment quickly.
After many eye drops and bright lights taking pictures of my eyeballs, doctor discovered 3 holes in my right eye that healed itself. My left eye is precarious with a hole that could get worse, but it has high potential to improve with rest and no heavy lifting.
When the doctor told me about these holes, I cried. I felt bewildered which soon turned into self pity blaming myself for putting off my needs till it backfires. The mind has a way of pointing fingers to place blame but no one willfully placed that kind of excessive stress and physical exertion on me; life happens. But I wouldn’t trade being anywhere else since I played a role in helping my fragile heart kid thrive and grow.
"Life with God is not immunity from difficulties, but peace in difficulties." ~ C. S. Lewis
God’s presence has a way of turning things around. An unknown willpower came over me and I felt that I’ll overcome this too. Thank God the other 3 holes had mended on its own. I had no idea mending was occurring in my right eye. Today’s prognosis is a timely reminder for me to rethink rest and to diligently stick with taking care of myself. It’s not selfish. Over the years many have shared their wisdom of motherhood with me and it’s ringing clear as ever in my mind now. To be a good mom I need to be healthy to be there for my kids. (duh, right? How easily it’s easily forgotten in the midst of life0
New year is beginning with a blast and pushing me to challenge myself; rethink the value of rest and reexamine how I can better sustain my energy long term to keep doing what I’m doing without falling apart. It’s correctable and heaven forbit it gets worse, but if it does, treatment is available. Dear Lord, gotta keep what I have working and together…thought I’d never say that.
Our family has survived many hailstorms and this one we’ll weather too. I’ll roar my battle cry soon (metaphorically) enough; it’s still too fresh. In the meantime, here’s my rawr, small and determined.
"This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Welcome to my blog! My name is Esther and I'm so happy you are here. I'm an avid nature photographer and a daydreaming thinker. My posts revolve around photos of nature's beauty, homeschooling adventures with my 2 kids, sporadic reflections on my child's heart condition, Bible reading reflections, gardening feats, and other mish mash things. Hopefully you'll leave encouraged, pensive, or smiling at the simple things of life. Thank you for stopping by and hope you'll find some interesting posts to read!