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Can’t sleep even though I’m tired

Every time. When I have an upcoming day slotted with various specialists’ appointments for Ellis, sleeping is impossible. It’s a 6 months check up that we have done for years that I can’t get used to going.

I’ll take a long nap later.

What I want to do. Rest and enjoy the ride.
How I’ll probably feel in the morning

Categories: Hospital visits

Tagged as:

singlikewildflowers

Welcome to my blog! My name is Esther and I'm so happy you are here. My posts revolve around the beauty of nature, homeschooling adventures, Bible reading reflections, gardening feats, and life as a daydreamer and nature observer. Thank you for stopping by and hope you'll find some interesting posts to read!

12 replies

  1. That teddy bear blanket looks so warm and cozy. Snuggling in that j book lancet and napping sounds amazing

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    1. She’s had this blanket for years. It used to be Elliot’s but he didn’t want it. I didn’t know she loved it so much until she was 3 years old. It was called “bul-lau-oon” blankie. That “r” sound is still tricky for her.
      What is the j book Lancet? I am so out of it with new books and authors.
      Hope you guys are staying well and having a good weekend!!

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    1. Thank you! It was a long appointment and we had to cancel seeing 2 more specialists that day. We have bad memories and Ellis is more aware, so when the doctor reviews all the test results and things, I worry that she will internalize it. She remembers. And she’s got a new fear about losing me; the exact same that I have of her. We both cry. It makes me sad to think that my fears are articulated by her. I should write a post about that soon, but not ready yet. Still processing.
      They really squeeze in those meetings in one day. When we got home, we ate and napped for hours; light snoring included, but who knows? It could’ve been really loud. lol

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      1. Probably the anticipation of the appointments is just as bad as the appointments themselves. I didn’t realize that Ellis was aware of everything the doctor is telling you during the consultation. It was much easier when she was younger I am guessing.

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      2. We both have anticipation fears…nicely expressed Linda. The appointments are scheduled early and last hours with many different doctors, and by the time it’s over, we are pooped out. Yes, she listens and knows. Out of the blue she asks questions about what the doctor said. When it first happened I was shocked.
        It was much easier when she was younger except there was lots of crying. Now it’s more fear and withdrawing.

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      3. I’m guessing that Ellis is a little more serious in some respects that other little girls her age, having been through so many serious health problems at such a young age. I’m surprised to be honest, but I’ve never had kids, siblings nor have I ever babysat, nor been around kids, so I am not really familiar with how kids’ minds work.

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      4. I’m surprised too at her deep thoughts. She doesn’t act like it, but when you talk with her alone, you can hear her maturity. It could be that she’s aware of how we respond to things related to her health. We try not to show our worry, but it’s hard to ignore it. First response is to ask if she feels ok and start thinking of next steps.
        Kids are fascinating to be around and they show you how to be happy with simple joys. It’s all new to them! Poor Elliot gets nervous too when sister coughs like she is going to throw up…he says “sheesh Ellis, you scared me to death. You scare me when you do that” That’s not something he would say normally. I think we’re a family jumpy on nerves. But we are thankful for this journey God entrusted to us and seeing how our plans have been totally transformed by this little person.
        Thank you again for your empathy and words of encouragement! They mean a lot to me. 🙂 hugs

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      5. I think both your kids occasionally surprise you with their wisdom and thinking like adults, but as you say, it’s a journey that not all families go through and Elliot likely relishes his big brother role as protector of Ellis. I think it is very sweet. You’re welcome Esther … I know you must have very trying days sometimes as you have a lot on your plate and on your mind.

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      6. These guys do surprise me with their insights and reflections. They’ve seen and experienced a lot of hospital things that makes them aware of…I’m not really sure though…maybe that everything is not happy or perfect, life is tough, that every family has unique circumstances.
        I used to have much guilt that my kids couldn’t join extracurricular activities for fear of catching something, but I’ve learned to forgive myself. You just have to roll with it. Trust me, I roll slowly and tentatively. lol

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      7. Yes, I can see that a serious illness is changing their impression of everything. They are now, and will always be, more mature than other kids their age. Living with anyone who has medical issues changes your perspective on things … for you and for Chris as well as the kids. I have mentioned before that my mom had significant medical issues, so that changed my perspective on pain and illness. I have a lot of empathy for people who are ill and the people who are their caretakers.

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      8. Linda, you articulated it well. Yes, living with a chronic illness or having a family member with the illness changes views on what is normal and what you are able or not able to do. Lots of compromising going on and learning that life will be different than others. Big lesson on finding normalcy and acceptance of our circumstance.
        Yes, I remember you talking about your mother with physical limitations. It’s hard to see your parent suffer and the feelings of helplessness that comes along with it.
        It’s wonderful that your tough experience has not turned you resentful and apathetic towards the issues related to pain and illness. How wonderful that it has increased your empathy and even included caretakers too! Thank you for your encouraging words. hugs…

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