It feels unusual that I haven’t been writing longer posts this summer. My summer content has been more focused on photos of nature, photos and videos of our Leopard Gecko, summer outings, and funny Insta posts I find on Instagram. Although I miss writing reflective posts, it feels liberating in some ways too.
For years upon years, I fancifully dreamt and worked towards writing personal essays and getting published! The genre that interests me the most is essay writing/ personal reflection. I could go on and on about how God showed up in my past academic struggles and current motherhood journey. But then came discouragement that no one would want to read about them and that I was not a good writer. Yep, the self critic, nasty as ever, crept in. I felt like I needed to let the dream go for some time. Letting go of that dream happened in March 2023.
The goal of writing to get published became a sore spot in my heart, and I felt that my motive was not honoring God. It was ego driven, which didn’t sit right with me. I had to get my motives in its correct place. Although it felt crushing to turn that never-ending chapter, it had to be done. I gave it to God! He can do with my dream, whatever He likes. Ack! Just typing out that last sentence made me want to cry because it’s still difficult to dream of something new for me. But surrendering is the best place to start with God.
This season of my life is filled with homeschooling, mothering, and family life. So maybe when I feel God tugging at my heart that it’s time to pick up that dream again, I’ll go for it. Right now, I’m learning to find deeper contentment in learning with my kids through their homeschooling and being open to new possibilities. The journey took a detour but I’m excited to see where it will take me and to relish the day-to-day living with my family and spending time with my kids, which will grow shorter as they get older.
Thank you for listening and reading. You are appreciated!
Hope you all have a wonderful start to Monday and happy second week of August!!
God always has and always will look for men and women who say to Him, ‘I trust you so much, I’m all in. I want your way not mine. I am willing to live by faith!’
– Chip Ingram
Who put this Painted Ladies’ house atop this stump?! Fabulous idea. I wonder if this house will still be there when we visit next time. I’ll keep an eye out for it and let you know.
17 responses to “Random thoughts about my writing dreams and letting go”
Sounds like you are enjoying life and refocusing your writing for all the right reasons. I have always found that entrusting our gifts to God is a good thing, and perhaps ultimately the most rewarding of all creative pursuitsâ is having a captive audience of One â a partnership with the Creator.
Thank you, LightWriters! You’re right…a captive audience of One should be the goal!! Surrendering to God is the hardest but the best thing to do because His plans are much bigger than our plans. You expressed it eloquently in your comment “ultimately the most rewarding of all creative pursuits”…thank you for your wise words!!
I’m sure when the time is right, you’ll go back to your writing. I taught the personal essay to college students for years, and I always enjoyed reading the ones that were heartfelt and genuine.
Thank you, Liz! You’re right…when the time is right, I’ll get back into it. For now, it seems too much to pursue it wholeheartedly while I’m homeschooling 2 kids.
“Heartfelt and genuine” essays are the heart of essay writing! It’s my favorite form of writing. It must have been a fabulous teaching experience working with college students on essay writing.
It was! I loved getting to know the students through their personable essays.
That’s the best. You have an encouraging tone and I’m sure you made a positive and lasting impression on your students as a writing professor!
Thank you so much, Esther!
You’re welcome đ
Oh, Esther! Thank you so much for this post. It is not an easy thing to let go of things that are important to us and I am sure there are a lot of us out there in the blogging world who can relate. God has gifted you with a talent for writing so it will not ever go away completely. Give yourself some time to enjoy whatever direction God is leading you towards. The end result will be wonderful, I am sure. đ
Thank you, Pepper! I feel like I made the right decision and I’m getting to enjoy life as it right now. Writing was detracting joy from my daily life since it became a personal preoccupation that was going nowhere. But now I feel more available and lighthearted to take things as they come.
I realize God’s plans are way different than mine. đ Thanks again for your wise words.
Well Esther, it is perfectly fine to let the âheavy lifting stuffâ go for a while and write short, snappy posts with cute photos instead. After all, the kids are growing up so quickly and you should enjoy the âdown timeâ with the Summer break from school to explore around you, whether at the friendâs house with the produce you are learning about, picking and tasting, or just wandering over to Dartâs tank. Youâll have plenty of time to resume other types of writing down the road.
Linda, thank you! Means a lot for me to hear these encouraging words from you. Once I let go of it a few months ago, I felt freedom from self-imposed goals I placed on myself. And since I wasn’t making progress on it, it led to a lot of frustration and discontentment. Getting to that decision was the challenging part.
I’ve been able to enjoy the days more. Maybe that’s why I needed to let it go, but when I was in the thick of it, I felt I had to keep writing. But it didn’t have a clear goal, so I was circling around.
We are having a great summer with lots of outings with friends and nature. We all mask up, but Elliot still got parainfluenza last week and is coughing up a storm. He’s on an inhaler. Ellis is faring well! YOu know what I just realized as I’m writing this comment…I feel more available to my kids! It’s a good feeling.
Esther – you have a full plate even in “good health times” and whether keeping to that rigid school time schedule or allowing yourself to be more flexible and spontaneous in Summer. Blogging and writing take up a lot of time. Many times I have wished I had waited until I was retired to embark on this blogging journey. But that is also my fault for taking so many photos and writing so much. Several of the people I usually interact with are on blogging breaks right now and I noticed several others are posting less frequently – I’ve been able to keep up pretty well this Summer. After the ice storm in February and no internet for three days, I was behind in Reader 18 days! Sorry to hear about Elliot – second bout this year, or was the first bout the end of last year? I mask up as well and today I had allergy shots, stopped at the eye doctor to pick up my glasses and went to fill up my gas tank, then stopped at the Park for a two-mile walk … I was the only person at all four places. Oh well – I’ll get my next booster when available, plus the RSV shot when it’s available. I am not taking any chances.
Thanks for your kind thoughts!! It helps so much to hear affirmation that I made the right decision. I don’t know how some mothers with children homeschool, do their thing, and still publish. It’s unbelievable! I’m content to cook meals for my family and go through the day with a short nap. I shouldn’t compare to others because every life story is different. Oh, that human nature!!
This is Elliot’s second bout of parainfluenza. You have good memory; first bout was in October of last year. He gets most viruses on his vocal cords and his lungs. He’s better now…you can tell because the chattering is always going on in the background.
I’m glad you started blogging well before retiring…once you retire, you’ll have your established community instead of building it up then. But I agree with you that blogging takes up a lot of time and energy! I can see why people take breaks. Have you taken any blogging breaks?
Get your booster and RSV shots!! We’ll probably get the flu shot in September.
Well I hope Elliot is feeling more like himself by now. I remembered there were two prior episodes with Eliot – poor kid.
I have not taken a blogging break yet, but I used to publish much, much shorter posts with one, maybe two pictures. But yes, I wish I had waited until retirement – sigh.
I will get a flu shot in September as they say it is starting earlier this week, then the RSV … better to bee prepared a little earlier.
Best wishes for that
Thanks, Devang! It’s a good thing to let go for now; I got too much on my plate.