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My carvings temporarily on hold for now

Carve

Carving an identity for myself as a stay- at- home homeschooling mom has been filled with both joy and pain,  although the latter comprises more of my experiences. When little beings entered my life,  life as I know it suddenly eliminated me as Esther. I became known as mommy or so and so’s mommy to others. This new position threw me serious physical challenges: extreme sleep deprivation, constipation from not getting enough bathroom time,  and hands turning to sandpaper from washing too many bottles,  dishes, and mess- loving kids. 

Carving anything now has to do with model clay or pumpkins. However, one deliberate attempt I make to carve my own space is through blogging. They refer to it as “mommy’s work,” so I at least get 20 minutes of no little fingers poking me for attention.  

These experiences help me realize that while I was growing up my parents must have sacrificed a lot of their time,  resources,  and energy for me.  They tried to provide me creative spaces conducive for carving my interests and identity,  whether my attempts amounted to anything or not. I didn’t see it that way then and assumed they weren’t doing enough.  But finding myself in their shoes is teaching me otherwise. 

For the time being I think my job is to provide a space of exploration and discovery so my little people can begin to carve their own lives. I must stay focused on the goal and to remember to carve together…I still have lots of carving left to do myself. 

Author:

Writing and daydreaming have always been two of my favorite things to do. I've been an avid journal writer since junior high school. It was a way for me to survive the complex world of being a Korean-American female straddling two cultures. Journal writing continued through graduate school, but that luxury is now replaced with multitasking to raise and homeschool two young kids. As the self-proclaimed domestic C.E.O. of our home, personal reflection occurs mostly in my subconscious dreams, during solo grocery shopping runs, or when my husband Chris takes the kids to Costco for an afternoon trip.