In the past year I’ve been in the habit of saying “Where does the time go?”, “How is it already …..?”, or “Time just goes too fast.” When I was younger, I’d hear people in my parent’s generation saying in disbelief how fast time time passed for them. Those words had little meaning for me and made no sense. I couldn’t wait to grow up and do my own thing at that time.
Now do those words ring true with flashing lights! But I’ve become mindful to not say it as much when Elliot told me that hearing those words make him sad. Those words made him feel like his childhood was passing too quickly and fear about me and Chris getting older too. Ellis chimed in agreeing with her brother. Ok buddy, I hear you and will try to remove those references from our conversations.
Although I don’t say the words verbally, it doesn’t mean it’s out of my head. Last week I had a monthly meeting with a homeschool teacher who’s been integral to our schooling the past five years. We reminisced about the first time we met and how in these passing years two of her four kid graduated from college and another just started college. She saw our growing pains and emergencies, and at the time Ellis was tiny and still in diapers and Elliot still hadn’t lost his first tooth. How time flies! (oops! See what I mean, it keeps coming up)
We chatted more about time and how getting older makes time move faster. Maybe it’s because there’s more to do and to think about in the same stretch of time that younger people don’t have to wrestle with. Her suggestion was to slow down time by fully being present in the current moment. Try to extract as much from the present. I’ve heard this countless times from acquaintances, read about it, and tried to apply it to my life.
It’s much nicer in theory than in practice. For a professional worrier and scatter minded person, it’s a painful task. Slow down and stay attentive in this moment is what I tell myself even when my thoughts are hamster wheel running like mad.
It didn’t take many hours to put that maxim into practice. That night Chris told me the kitchen repair workmen finally contacted him to resume work that had been held off for weeks. We were told it would be simple and we could stay home during the repairs. But I couldn’t help frustration and panic stirring in my heart. I had planned that week to restart a reading/ writing curriculum that had been interrupted since early October with Ellis’ hospitalizations, follow-up appointments, recovery time, and catching my breath after the ordeals. But it was not to be! I wanted to get back on track.
Soon I learned that wall repairs required loud machinery, dusty floors, drywall debris, and breathing in toxic paint fumes linger. Even a closed door and stairs couldn’t keep the fumes away. We can’t stay indoors for hours while our eyes watered and nostril stung from the potent smell. The next best thing was to hang out in the car while kids played video games on their tablets. They were laughing and happy to have their beloved blankies with them, safely protected in clear plastic bags in case they drop it on the ground. (Blankies have aged with too much love and washing puts them at greater risk of ripping.)
For me it was a different vibe. I was on the brink of losing my temper and getting snappy at the kids. Them asking me to constantly check out their video game play while I was mentally debating next steps irritated my already shot nerves: should we book a hotel room till the place got ventilated?; But how will the place get ventilated if we leave for the night and all the windows are closed?; I know Chris has meetings al morning, but should I call anyway?; What about our school lessons?; and why isn’t my phone charging in the car?
Ok, Ok, I thought. Let’s not freak the funk and get all crazy. This could be a memorable and fun day if I let go of what I think should happen. K, this is not what I planned but we can do this. Enjoy the moment…breathe…it’s okay….
I drank a long sip of my coffee and told the kids we’re getting McDonald’s and we’re having a picnic in the car. God reminded me that moment to relax and enjoy this interruption. This is a small interruption but we can transform it into a special day. Once I let go the annoyed feelings began to fade as well. What a day.
Welcome to my blog! My name is Esther and I'm so happy you are here. I'm an avid nature photographer and a daydreaming thinker. My posts revolve around photos of nature's beauty, homeschooling adventures with my 2 kids, sporadic reflections on my child's heart condition, Bible reading reflections, gardening feats, and other mish mash things. Hopefully you'll leave encouraged, pensive, or smiling at the simple things of life. Thank you for stopping by and hope you'll find some interesting posts to read!