- update after post was published – feeling better and storm has calmed. letting go, taking a break by relocating to another room, and some reluctant showing of empathy have smoothed things over
- When the day goes whack…
Kids give me the stank eye. I ask what they want to eat, and I hear sighs. eeeek. The small one goes inside her fort and tells me to stay away. Tears because the older one told her not to make a big deal of something. Tears, thumbs down, and whispering in my ear of how older brother is not the boss of her. Then, the older one asks me if he could say “no” to a homework task today.
Trust me, I’m sighing prolifically inside. God, I trust you’ll turn our funky attitudes around this afternoon. He’s got a plan and I’ll worship Him even though…God’s in charge!
And tbh, I’m mad at myself for still needing prescription medication for depression and anxiety. I’ve been having trouble contacting the psychiatrist for a refill this week and to have this burden makes me angry and sad. Gosh, I wish this were not the case. Every time I take the medicine, I put myself down and wonder what a fool I am for still being on medication. I hate to bother Chris to pick up my medications and to deal with these refill issues. Again, God’s in charge!
*just writing how I feel and not to get sympathy.
This issue reminds me of a powerful excerpt I read in Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression by Andrew Solomon. Here’s a copy and paste of it from the book, p. 60.
Anyways, holding onto faith God will show up in mighty ways and strengthen my shaky faith.
*
Categories: Faith journey Mom lIfe
singlikewildflowers
Welcome to my blog! My name is Esther and I'm so happy you are here. I'm an avid nature photographer and a daydreaming thinker. My posts revolve around photos of nature's beauty, homeschooling adventures with my 2 kids, sporadic reflections on my child's heart condition, Bible reading reflections, gardening feats, and other mish mash things. Hopefully you'll leave encouraged, pensive, or smiling at the simple things of life. Thank you for stopping by and hope you'll find some interesting posts to read!
sing like wildflowers 
Dear friend, you are made in the image of God and you are amazing! Each of us is given amazing gifts and obstacles to deal with. Relying on God is the best thing to do for our obstacles. *not giving you sympathy but encouragement and empathy. 🥰Our Thursday was a day if obstacles too! I’m caught between a rock and a hard place. Because we just moved to a new area, I feel like it is my responsibility to find friends for my children. Especially since we homeschool and they don’t make friends at school like most kids do. Unfortunately, my anxiety and PTSD make it extremely difficult. We attended three different classes yesterday and it completely wiped me out. I just can’t seem to do what I feel like I ought to be doing. I have no energy for socializing. 😳 I tell you this so you know that you are not alone in battling “issues”. Hang in there! You can do hard things! 😊
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Thanks friend for your encouragement. There’s a lot going on for us as homeschooling moms and as individuals with our own growing and healing to do. Instances like this teach me that life can get out of control quickly and that I need God everyday, every moment.
You got a lot on your plate too. Moving to a new state and finding your groove are challenging. If I took kids to 3 classes in 1 day, I’ll be in bed for the next week. Kudos to you for trying and socializing even if you didn’t feel like it. You’re a great mom!
Thanks, I’m hanging in there. You 2. I love the last line of your comment.
“You can do hard things!” Amen!!
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You have a lot on your plate Esther – I marvel you juggle as many things as you do.
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Thanks Linda for the empathy…if you saw me in action, it’d be hard to marvel at my juggling. I’ll take your generous comment and remember it when I feel a poop-ish day coming.
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Well Esther, from my end, having never had kids, never babysat, never been around kids, I find your tackling of mom duties pretty special, so tuck this comment away as well. I held a baby one time in my life – a friend of my moms used to take care of brand-new babies for the Children’s Aid Society in Canada. She would “board” the newborns (mostly babies from unwed moms or that were given up at bird … board is their words, not mine … sounds like a puppy). She kept those babies until they were adopted. In the process they adopted four or five of those kids in the process. Anyway, my mom and I went to visit her once while we were in Canada visiting my grandmother. She was bottle feeding this baby and the phone rang – she handed the baby to me. I said to my mom “what do I do with it?” (I was maybe 20 or so years old at that time.) My mom said “give it the bottle until Irene comes back.” In the few minutes I held the baby, it peed, pooped and then it threw up in my purse which was open and nearby. The one and only time I came close to an infant, let alone a child. 🙂
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You are beautiful, just the way you are. There is no shame in medication, just as there is no shame in contact lenses. If medication helps you be the best you that you can be, so be it. It’s better than being the worst. We all have days of storm. Mostly the storms clear and the world is refreshed. I hope it is with you. 💖💖
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Thank you Norah for your kind and eloquent comment. It’s true that there’s no shame in taking medication, but it’s the stigma I’ve internalized that it’s a form of personal weakness; self sabotage.
Storms clear thank the Lord and each trial is a lesson.
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Eradicating self sabotage can be difficult but we must try to turn the greys to gold. There are enough others out there willing to sabotage us without us doing it too.
Take care. 💖
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