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Restlessness overdrive

Bumbling around and feeling little peace. I want to do something productive but don’t know what that is specifically.

Homeschooling is typical with the tug and pull of learning, arguing, playing, and more arguing. Huddling the kids to do homework, read, write, play, observe our plants, is hard; these days anything unrelated to video games is boring. No competition and I really don’t feel like guilt tripping them, although I eventually do.

Elliot is working on his writing assignment and after ten minutes he turns down the sound of the background industrial machine sounds humming. According to him, it’s something about the xp grinder use to entity cram the pigmen. It’s jibberrish to me cause I don’t fully understand this video game lingo. If that sound was annoying to him, how do I feel. I asked, “where’s my mercy?” He just chuckled. Trying to stay grateful for kids and their antics, but my nerves are on edge.

Another stressor: Tomorrow is Ellis’ MRI at 7 a.m. The process of getting it done and waiting for results are unsettling. All these life disruptions, appointments, and schedule changes: this makes homeschooling ideal for us yet I would appreciate some consistency to our schedules without it changing every week. It can’t be easy for kids to deal with these medical disruptions too, so I over compensate, not proud to say but giving into their demands or appeasing to reduce stress because they get worried and scared too. Ack!! Thus, my bumbling.

“Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Somehow my mind and body tune out the worries with persistent restlessness. Just want to keep busy, over drink coffee, and dabble here and there. I start books and toss them before finishing.

Funny thing is that I fully trust God and know He charts my future, but the day to day seems mundane. Translating faith into action is an ongoing challenge.

“We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

P.S. I’ve been posting daily but there is little organization to the topics. I post about what’s going on in my life and I hope it’s not inundating you. But as always, thank you everyone for visiting and for your support! I am so happy you’re here. – Esther

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on

Categories: Faith journey

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Welcome to my blog! My name is Esther and I'm so happy you are here. I'm an avid nature photographer and a daydreaming thinker. My posts revolve around photos of nature's beauty, homeschooling adventures with my 2 kids, sporadic reflections on my child's heart condition, Bible reading reflections, gardening feats, and other mish mash things. Hopefully you'll leave encouraged, pensive, or smiling at the simple things of life. Thank you for stopping by and hope you'll find some interesting posts to read!

3 replies

  1. Hope everything went well this morning and you gt good results soon. You have a lot on your plate – this is a scary picture … I’ll bet that girl does not look down.


    1. It was a wild morning with me getting sick. getting myself together, hustling traffic, and not making to the appointment on time. In hindsight, it’s a minor hiccup, but in the moment it’s hectic and overwhelming. I wish I could carry a sense of calm even in the those moments. I’m sure I’ll have more practice experiences coming up.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That was an early appointment – 7:00 a.m. I believe and morning commute is a pain as well. When I took the bus for years when I worked in downtown Detroit, I had it going (most mornings) as I took a bus ahead of the one I needed as they were prone to breaking down on either very hot days or very cold days. But I am not that “girl” who was organized and together and TIMELY – where did she go and who is this imposter?


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