sing like wildflowers

My full and kooky life as a homeschooling mommy to 2 great kids, raising a child with HLHS (Hypolastic Left Heart Syndrome), coping with depression, following Jesus, and being much too camera happy.

  • Today I reached 101 followers!!

    Ok, I’m counted in that number so it’s really 100. 😉 When I first started, I told myself that I’d be happy with 50, but that darn human nature kicked in: kept saying maybe 10 more and a little more. Every time I receive a WP follower notification, I tell my kids and they do a loud hooray for me.    

    When I first started in June 2017, I sat in front of my computer for hours pondering if I were really going to do this. I got the final kick in the butt when Pamela, my dear friend from NYC, called me up one morning and asked for the umpteenth time if I started writing, besides in my journal. She challenged me to do what scared me; her encouragement never stopped. It was like that when we were roommates and still the same after I moved to CA. “Sing” in my blog name was part of Pamela’s idea. I love that my admiration for wildflowers incorporates her jazz singing background and colorful spirit with my little space in the blogging world. In true Pamela style she called me thirty minutes later to check if I opened an account on WordPress.  

    Writing in this blog gives me a happy space to keep writing, discover new interests,  find new blogging friends from different parts of the world, and reconnect with old friends through this forum. I’ve also met a handful of bloggers who faithfully cheer me on: I am so thankful for them!! Amy constant cheerleaders: my dear friends from church, friends from my school days in NYC, homeschooling moms, my neighbors, and of course, Chris and my little peeps. Love you guys!

    Thank you everybody for your encouragement, support, reading, and keeping up with my blog!! Last but not least: God, thank you for your incredible blessings and for this desire to keep writing even when I feel like I have nothing to say. You continue to teach me about my heart’s longings, weaknesses & strengths, my ambitions, and my fears through this craft.  

  • This photo challenge is from Dutch goes the Photo!

    The picture below covered a store window that was in the middle of remodeling. I took the photo hoping to share it on my blog one day; its message is encouraging and picture cheerful. That one day was two days later. Yay!

    And of course, my kids and I make a trio. In our homeschooling journey, we spend a lot of time together doing this and that. 

  • Monday grind.

    The day started like any other day, but I was still recovering from the flurry of fun activities from the previous week: Halloween community party with neighbors, trick or treating, playing outside, art class and dinner with friends. My body still needed extra recovery time yet I had things to do and places to go.

    On our way to one of Elliot’s classes, Ellis started dry heaving in the backseat. This happens often but it’s something that never gets easy to accept. I could feel cold sweat on my back as I looked back to check on her.

    After class, the refuel light popped up on the car dashboard. I could’ve turned into any gas station, but in my frugal quest I decided to drive a few extra minutes to Costco. Attempt to save money created major time delays from road issues and a traffic accident on the way. I wouldn’t have mind if Ellis hadn’t asked for another throw-up bag. I felt frazzled: I got a vomiting child and another one complaining about the grossness of his sister’s frequent vomiting.

    Arrived home safely.

    Threw out liquidy bags from back seat.

    I picked up Happy Meals on the way home. Kids were fed, so I decided this was perfect opportunity to make the call I’ve been procrastinating to the medical insurance company. I knew it was going to be a long phone call, but I didn’t expect to be on the phone for 1 1/2 hours.

    In the meantime, kids were happy with their lunch and Ellis even shared half of her burger with Elliot. All was well until he found a tiny slither of a pickle in it. He gave me that look of betrayal and tears rolled down. I’m on the phone inquiring about a new bill I received in the mail which I had already paid (trying to be as pleasant as possible on the phone) while reassuring Elliot with hand gestures that the pickle was not my fault. Turns out the hospital rebilled the difference for the discount they gave me from the original balance. Whew, saved a few hundred dollars.

    The experience could’ve been horrible were it not for the kindest and most patient customer service representative who helped me sort through several billing issues. Thank you Nikki! But I was getting phone fatigue: It takes a lot of mental energy to process insurance language and to think how much it all costs: eligibility, meeting deductibles, co-insurance, procedure codes, medical necessity vs. preventative, in network and out-of-network, insurance adjustment and patient responsibility.

    Phone call ended.

    I open my computer to check email only to find the low battery sign pop up. I hook up the charger to the computer and discover that the charger won’t stay put unless I tweak it to fit into the piece that broke off into the computer port. (If you didn’t understand that, you’re not alone. I usually call specific computer parts “things.”)

    Oh my gosh, if you’ve made it this far to this post, thank you! My bad day could’ve stayed in that mode, but I realized how things could’ve been worse.

    Things that made me grateful:

    1. We did not run out of throw-up bags in the car. Car seat and Ellis kept clean from vomit debris.

    2. A fellow homeschooling mom encouraged me saying that I helped her stick with homeschooling when she was close to quitting.

    3. Car made it to Costco gas line and I could use my credit card to pay for it.

    4. I didn’t have to make lunch. Kids were content until Elliot discovered a pickle.

    5. Insurance phone call could’ve been nightmarish with a cranky representative, but the person helping me was unbelievably kind and understanding. Wow, her patience encouraged me immensely and increased my appreciation for the hard job these representatives have!

    6. Out of the blue, our homeschooling Education Specialist sent me an uplifting text saying she thought of me after hearing a song on the radio.

    7. Computer is slightly damaged but nothing too awful that it will stop working.

    Once again, I was convinced! God does not abandon me in my troubles. Instead he sends me encouragement and hope through people and situations. It could’ve been easier to stay grumpy all day and wish the day would be over soon, which I’ve unfortunately done in the past. But staying in this rut compounds the negativity in my life, as well as impact those dearest to me.

    Asking God to give me more energy and wisdom for the day, I felt grateful that He turned my day around with gentle reminders of goodness around me. I keep forgetting that He is a good and merciful God. I am always shocked when He responds to my prayers, gives me hope in hopeless situations, affirms me when I feel defeated, and shows me overall that He is powerfully in control of everything.

  • Each time I press the publish button, worries about writing the next blog post kicks in.

    Writing gives me mixed emotions. On rare, very rare, occasions, words seem to flow effortlessly and I am convinced that I was born to write. But a majority of the time, writing gives me muscular back aches and emotional discomfort as I struggle to quiet my own critical voice.

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    How I feel on a bad writing day

    When it’s going well, it’s exhilarating. When the words don’t come, the process is daunting and downright depressing.

    There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.

    – Ernest Hemingway

    Producing anything good takes time, effort, and perseverance, but I overlook that on a daily basis. I’m constantly needing to remind myself that a small step taken today is closer toward attaining my goal. It doesn’t all happen in one sitting or in one day; the process is a journey that takes time and many surprise detours.

    One thought at a time. One idea at a time. One word. One string of words. One sentence. Build from there.

    I tell my kids that learning takes time and that a little progress made today is still progress. Easy to say but hard to do myself.

    I hope you all have a great writing day!